IELTS essay, topic: The education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country, agree/disagree (from Target Band 7 book)

This essay was written on a topic from “Target Band 7” book (page 54, reprinted with permission).

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Write at least 250 words

Education plays an imperative role in the overall progression of a country. Many people may heavily rely on quality education as preparation for real life employment and experiences. However, there are other factors that are needed to propel a country towards success.

We must acknowledge the way the education system of a country prepares most individuals by equipping them with various skills. Prior to gaining a qualification to practice certain professions such as teaching, nursing or accounting, it is necessary for the individuals to undergo rigorous training. Certificate and diploma programs as well as university degrees are good examples of that. Some graduates may even choose to pursue further studies to attain certain requirements to be able to practice their chosen profession.

The education system is undoubtedly important in preparing individuals to take on roles leading to the development of a country. However, it seems that producing graduates alone isn’t a guarantee of the advancement of a country. There are other factors that should come into play, and motivation of individuals is one. Without motivation, people may lose track of what they intend to do to contribute to the improvement of a country. drives people to achieve and maximize their potentials, because they are determined to get better at many aspects of their life, eventually yielding improvement for their entire country.

Furthermore, the availability of natural resources and job opportunities may also affect the growth of a national economy. Innovations of many individuals require raw materials, and should the country be able to mine these, their production and perhaps even export may help in stabilizing the local market. Finally, it is also important that the availability of employment is aligned with the skills of individuals applying for the positions. Giving skilled people the opportunity to apply their knowledge and experience in their profession makes them more productive, which contributes to GDP growth.

In conclusion, education continues to play a pivotal role in the development of a country. However, other important factors should play a role in order to achieve steady and continuous progress.

This response adequately addresses the task prompt. The writer’s viewpoint is clear throughout the essay. Each paragraph has its role and they are used effectively to organise ideas and information. The coherence and advanced vocabulary help the writer to create an impression of a skilled, fluent English user. Good control of grammar and punctuation is evident. This essay could achieve Band 8 in IELTS.

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The word ‘motivation’ repeats too many times in this paragraph – consider replacing it with a synonym to avoid sounding repetitive

IELTS essay, topic: Obesity is becoming common among children, give reasons and solutions (from Target Band 7 book)

This essay was written on a topic from “Target Band 7” book (page 54, reprinted with permission).

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Write at least 250 words

For many years obesity was perceived as a condition occurring only in adult life. However, in recent years the number of children suffering from obesity has grown significantly. There are several causes and numerous solutions which can be used to tackle this worrying phenomenon, and this essay will present a couple of them.

While some reasons for childhood obesity are genetic, others include poor food choices exacerbated by easy availability of fast food, insufficient physical activity and a history of family members being overweight. Unlike the former, the latter factors can be changed, if the adults in the child’s life gain awareness and are willing to take action.

To begin with, health is a complex matter which requires a balanced approach. In other words, there isn’t a single solution to maintain health, on the contrary, it is rather a mixture of multiple factors, such as and regular physical activity. For this reason, increasing the awareness of healthy habits among children is a responsibility of utmost importance. What is more, it can be easily achieved through the education system.

On the other hand, children’s education might to stop the situation from worsening. Along with well designed health education schemes, we should also try to stop food companies from overusing sugar in products the young ones. It has been proven that more than 70% of the products available in an average supermarket contain dangerously high levels of white sugar. Sugar rich diet not only causes a significant weight gain, but also contributes to diseases, such as diabetes in young population.

To summarize, emphasis put on the awareness of healthy living among children is invaluable. Furthermore, combining healthy habits with stopping food companies from in products which are easily children can be effectively implemented by the governments. Positive outcomes of such measures taken today will definitely have a long lasting effect on the future generations.

This is a well developed response to the question. Relevant key points are included in the answer. Appropriate examples are also used to corroborate the writer’s point of view. Paragraphing is skillfully managed, information and ideas are logically sequenced. A wide range of vocabulary is used to allow certain flexibility and precision. Also, a variety of sentence structures is used. Accuracy of expression needs some attention (see corrections underlined in blue). Overall, the essay could achieve Band 8 in IELTS.

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‘a healthy diet’ is the right expression here
‘not be sufficient’ is the right way to say this
‘intended for’ is the right expression here
‘using too much sugar’ is the right expression here
‘available to’ is a better way to say this
 

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