IELTS essay, topic: Some believe the government should take care of retirees, while others think everyone should save for their own retirement (opinion)

Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

It is true that when people advance into their golden years, they require more help and attention. For that reason, a significant number of people hold the opinion that the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to agree with those who argue that workers should be saving a portion of their income to have a nest egg in their retirement.

To begin with, a culture of saving rather than depending on the government may foster the overall economic development of a country. In other words, if people were to accumulate their own savings for their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the government. As a result, the government would be able to release more funds to more productive purposes, such as development of infrastructure, industries, hospitals, and so on, which may expedite the overall progression of a country.

In addition to economic factors, putting money aside has some personal benefits. Since savings-oriented people are not dependent on the state for their living expenses, this may instill a sense of self-respect and pride in them. On the other hand, those who are reliant on financial assistance very often face the negative societal stigma, as many people consider them to be inferior and unworthy members of society. Hence, to live a life with dignity and pride, taking responsibility for funding one’s own retirement is evidently a better option from individual perspective.

In contrast, the provision of monetary outlays for retirees has proven unfeasible in many countries. Since in many nations the number of senior citizens is on the rise, in the long run governments are likely to struggle to sustain the cost of providing for the elderly. The early signs of this have been seen in many countries that were forced to raise the retirement age. Therefore, in the foreseeable future, these kinds of support may become completely unsustainable.

In conclusion, the provision of state monetary support may undoubtedly lessen the concern of retirees to some extent. However, considering the issue of sustainability of this provision, it is better to opt for individual savings from the very beginning of working life, for the benefit of both individual and national development.

This response addresses all parts of the topic, by discussing the merits of funding one’s own retirement versus relying on government pension. The writer’s opinion has been stated as well and is very clear. The neat presentation of ideas has been helped by appropriate paragraphing, and cohesion and coherence are maintained throughout the essay. The author’s vocabulary seems to be rich and there is a variety of sentence structures used in this essay. Overall, this essay deserves an IELTS Band 8.

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IELTS essay, topic: Some people say that arts subjects are as essential as academic ones and should be part of school syllabus (agree/disagree)

Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are fundamentals that enrich our lives. However, some parents say schools on teaching more academic subjects, such as mathematics, science, literature and history. In my opinion, both academic and arts subjects should be taught and I will expand on the pros and cons of including arts in the school program further on in this essay.

On the one hand, academic subjects are often required when we get into higher . Academic subjects may be considered as in the academic world. Personally, I have never taken an entrance exam of art subjects for high school or university. In other words, schools measured my academic abilities using academic subjects, not art subjects. To suit the current educational system, many parents in my home country, Japan, send their children to cram schools to study academic subjects deeply.

On the other hand, art subjects can strengthen the creativity and flexibility of individuals. Liberal arts, which include cultural understanding and knowledge, also include other arts subjects. In addition, we are living in the era of automation and artificial intelligence which are replacing human labor and office work more and more. In this regard, human creativity becomes more important. Therefore, art subjects are being more in demand to make a difference between individuals and computers.

In conclusion, academic and arts subjects should blend in a school syllabus in a balanced way. Art subjects can also a better personality in individuals, so participation in these classes should be encouraged as well as academic achievements.

The writer explored the reasons why including arts subjects in school syllabus is a good idea, while fluently expressing ideas and supporting them by examples. Correct paragraphing assists with orderly presentation of information, making this essay easy to follow; the range of vocabulary is quite wide. Accuracy of expression needs a bit more attention (see corrections underlined in blue), but overall, this essay could achieve IELTS Band 8.

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should concentrate
the writer means ‘education options’ here
the writer means ‘a very important foundation’ here
the writer means ‘nurture’ here
 

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