This is a model response to a Writing Task 2 topic from High Scorer’s Choice IELTS Practice Tests book series (reprinted with permission). This answer is likely to score IELTS Band 9.
Set 1 General Training book, Practice Test 2
Writing Task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
In modern day society, education has become a vital aspect of every child’s life. Educational facilities tend to offer a wide range of subjects aimed at educating children and teaching them various skills. Fundamental subject areas are said to be mathematics, science, languages and physical education. Depending on the type of educational facility, a certain subject might be emphasised, yet these core subject areas are usually incorporated into nearly all educational facilities. Although it is commonly agreed that these subjects are vital for a child’s educational upbringing, opinions differ when it comes to the subject of music. Whilst some believe that musical education is an important part of growing up, others believe that it should no longer be taught in schools, as it is considered a waste of time and resources.
Music falls under the subject area of art, causing it to often be considered as less valuable than other subjects. Typically people believe that learning to express oneself in a creative manner is less important than learning about mathematical theories and scientific facts. Often the opponents of musical education propose that a more rationally-based education will benefit children later on in their lives, as they will be able to perceive and comprehend the logical aspects of life more easily. The supporters of musical education argue that music is beneficial for children, because it offers a manner of creative self-expression. Furthermore, music is part of human culture, as it brings people together and therefore children who study music can obtain a sense of cultural knowledge.
Personally I believe that music should be taught in schools and that it is not a waste of time and resources. I played piano for seven years and believe that this has helped me become a more balanced person. It is important for a child to learn about thinking creatively and to take a break from logical subjects once in a while.
In conclusion, music should be taught at school, because it enables children to express themselves creatively and to learn more about culture and human interaction.
Go here for more IELTS Band 9 Essays
I played piano for seven years and believe that this \’\’has helped me become\’\’… have helped me
I think this essay will only get 5.5 because of the off topic, grammatical errors, misuse of vocabs and lack in variety of grammatical structure.
These are some bold claims! I would love to see some substantiation – can you explain what grammatical errors and misuse of vocabulary you are referring to? Give any examples of lack of variety of grammatical structures? I would also appreciate an explanation on why you claim this essay is off-topic. Looking forward to hearing from you.