IELTS Essay, topic: Children and rules

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

Freedom plays a mandatory role in everybody?s life. We can see in today?s modernized era nobody likes to get some restrictions upon them, whether it would be a child or an adult. Some people think that there should have some strict rules of behaviour for children, but I disagree with this statement.

Wherever it is a reality that sometimes more restrictions can cause more frustration in children, which leads to many other mental diseases as well. Morever they can be, behave like a stubborn. Sometimes they feel themselves under pressure, which can be a main reason for their poor performance in their field. In some cases children would be crazier to do these things from where we?ll try to keep them away.

In other words _ we have to look for other aspects as well, like if we usually ignore our children?s bad habits, then they can?t be good human beings in their future life. Moreover_ if we never draw attention upon the children?s main activities then they may be acquiring bad company. They can know regarding the value of respect for their elders. They can know the importance of relationships. They can know regarding their cultural values as well.

In a nutshell, I would like to say that children should be teach regarding the value of their customs, rituals and respect towards their elders for their future life, but most of the extra restriction should be being avoided. It would be better to make them good human beings in their coming future.

A good essay, set out well. Some sentences are too short and could be combined together to create more complex structure. There are also some repetitions of the same words, that should be avoided. Overall, nicely done.