In many countries children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?
The issue of whether or not children should be engaged in some paid work has sparked a heated debate. While some argue that having some employment experience is conducive to a child’s learning and development, I contend that it would bring harm to the child’s and learning.
First of all, a workplace designed for adults normally child-friendly facilities. Desks and chairs are too high for a child; the light switches are installed on the walls unreachable children; also emergency training and facilities such as phones are only provided to adults. Furthermore, various hazards such as polluted air and chemical fumes are still produced in factories and farms. Undoubtedly young people would suffer in such workplaces.
Also, children would find it frustrating when they are not properly inducted before starting a job. A child working in a cement factory would feel a setback when he could not get immediate support while struggling with the procedures of recording different raw materials that required by the job. Further, without sufficient support, a child’s misunderstanding or inappropriately communicating with adults would only disappoint him and prevents him from active learning and interacting with other people.
To conclude, a child’s paid employment experience would lead to a negative impact on their health and active learning. However, recognizing the importance of children’s learning and their awareness of responsibility, it is advisable to encourage them to be involved in some volunteering opportunities where they can meaningfully learn and interact with other people with sufficient care and support in place for such jobs.
This is a good essay. There are only a few errors (mouse over the words underlined in blue shows corrections), but otherwise this work seems worthy of Band 7.5 or 8. Remember to always proofread your essay before submitting it. Keep up the good work!
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Will it be normal to support both at a time and is it correct if I write the reasons of the problems in body one and explain my reasoning on the second body ?
Hi Tshering, if you plan to partially agree with one side, then I would make it clear in the introduction paragraph, then one body paragraph to explain why you agree with one side, and another body paragraph on why you agree with the other side. In general, though, this type of essay doesn’t invite partial agreement, it is more steering you towards complete agreement with one side or the other. When you write a paragraph, first state your idea/opinion and then support it. It is not ideal to have a paragraph of just ideas and then a paragraph explaining or supporting them all, it would negatively affect your coherence/cohesion score.