In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it to be a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
In the Third World, children are usually sent to factories for laborious work. Many people believe that it is merely exploitation, while others think it is a good opportunity for them to life experience. In any case, children have their right to live and study in peaceful conditions. Therefore, using them as workforce is considered an unacceptable action.
First of all, children are not workers. They have just learned about the vast world and do not have any experience or concept of working. Since these innocent children are naive and , they can be easily cheated and exploited. There are many examples of this in poor nations. Because using children is cheap and to control, many enterprises hire them and don’t pay them much. Although the government in these countries has tried its best, this kind of taking advantage of children cannot be eliminated.
In conclusion, since all children are the great concern of parent and society, they should be allowed to enjoy life and rather than to work. Hence, one must ponder what view is actually appropriate for the sake of the children.
This is a good essay. It covers the task, the paragraphs are coherent, the sentences are well-structured and the vocabulary is adequate. However a little structural change in the paragraphs is required – you should first make the point (such as “Some say that children should learn about earning money” and then oppose to it “However, children can not be compared to adult workers”). Also, there were some more inaccuracies (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, this looks like a Band 6.5 essay.
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