In many countries, young people increasingly spend their free time in shopping centres instead of engaging in traditional leisure activities such as sports or music. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Spending time at shopping centres has become a common pastime for many young people around the world, often replacing more active or creative leisure pursuits like playing sports or learning music. I believe this is a largely negative trend, as it not only promotes consumerism and sedentary lifestyles, but also reduces opportunities for personal growth and skill development that more meaningful hobbies can provide.
There are several reasons why this shift in leisure preferences is concerning. First, shopping centres encourage a culture of spending, often leading young people to equate happiness with material possessions. This can foster poor financial habits from an early age and create long-term issues such as debt or dissatisfaction. Moreover, shopping is typically a passive activity that lacks the physical or mental engagement found in sports or musical training. Over time, this sedentary behaviour can contribute to health problems such as obesity, anxiety, or low energy levels.
In contrast, traditional hobbies like sports or music are not only enriching but also help develop essential life skills. For instance, playing team sports fosters cooperation, discipline, and resilience, while learning a musical instrument enhances focus and emotional expression. These activities also provide a sense of achievement and identity, which are crucial for young people’s self-esteem and mental wellbeing. Choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out on such valuable developmental benefits.
In conclusion, while visiting shopping centres occasionally is not inherently harmful, the growing trend of replacing enriching activities with consumer-focused ones is a negative development. I believe that encouraging young people to engage in sports, music, or other skill-based leisure activities is far more beneficial for their long-term personal and social development.
Teacher’s feedback:
This is a well-developed and clearly argued essay that would likely score around Band 8.
Task Response: Band 8
You fully address the task and present a clear position throughout: that the shift toward shopping centres as a form of leisure is a negative development. Your opinion is well-supported with relevant and thoughtful reasons, including the impacts on health, personal development, and consumer culture. The explanation of how traditional activities benefit young people is particularly strong. To push even higher, you might briefly acknowledge specific reasons why shopping centres have become popular, to show deeper insight into the causes behind the trend.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your essay is well-organised, with smooth progression from one idea to the next. Topic sentences clearly signal each paragraph’s focus, and logical connectors (e.g. “in contrast,” “moreover,” “while”) are used effectively. The final sentence of your conclusion restates your view well, though adding a brief summary of your main points would make it feel more rounded and final. Otherwise, cohesion is strong and natural.
Lexical Resource: Band 8
Your vocabulary is precise and varied, showing a good command of academic and topic-specific language. Phrases like “culture of spending,” “consumer-focused,” and “personal growth and skill development” are excellent. There’s good use of collocations and abstract nouns to express complex ideas clearly. To hit Band 9, you could take a few more lexical risks with idiomatic or metaphorical language, where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
Your grammar is consistently accurate, with a wide range of structures used flexibly and appropriately. Complex sentences are handled with ease, and punctuation is well controlled. One sentence — “Choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out…” — is slightly awkward in structure; rephrasing it (e.g. “By choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out…”) would improve fluency. This is a minor issue, though, in an otherwise strong grammatical performance.
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