IELTS Writing Samples

In many countries, young people increasingly spend their free time in shopping centres instead of engaging in traditional leisure activities such as sports or music. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Spending time at shopping centres has become a common pastime for many young people around the world, often replacing more active or creative leisure pursuits like playing sports or learning music. I believe this is a largely negative trend, as it not only promotes consumerism and sedentary lifestyles, but also reduces opportunities for personal growth and skill development that more meaningful hobbies can provide.

There are several reasons why this shift in leisure preferences is concerning. First, shopping centres encourage a culture of spending, often leading young people to equate happiness with material possessions. This can foster poor financial habits from an early age and create long-term issues such as debt or dissatisfaction. Moreover, shopping is typically a passive activity that lacks the physical or mental engagement found in sports or musical training. Over time, this sedentary behaviour can contribute to health problems such as obesity, anxiety, or low energy levels.

In contrast, traditional hobbies like sports or music are not only enriching but also help develop essential life skills. For instance, playing team sports fosters cooperation, discipline, and resilience, while learning a musical instrument enhances focus and emotional expression. These activities also provide a sense of achievement and identity, which are crucial for young people’s self-esteem and mental wellbeing. Choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out on such valuable developmental benefits.

In conclusion, while visiting shopping centres occasionally is not inherently harmful, the growing trend of replacing enriching activities with consumer-focused ones is a negative development. I believe that encouraging young people to engage in sports, music, or other skill-based leisure activities is far more beneficial for their long-term personal and social development.

Teacher’s feedback:

This is a well-developed and clearly argued essay that would likely score around Band 8.

Task Response: Band 8

You fully address the task and present a clear position throughout: that the shift toward shopping centres as a form of leisure is a negative development. Your opinion is well-supported with relevant and thoughtful reasons, including the impacts on health, personal development, and consumer culture. The explanation of how traditional activities benefit young people is particularly strong. To push even higher, you might briefly acknowledge specific reasons why shopping centres have become popular, to show deeper insight into the causes behind the trend.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your essay is well-organised, with smooth progression from one idea to the next. Topic sentences clearly signal each paragraph’s focus, and logical connectors (e.g. “in contrast,” “moreover,” “while”) are used effectively. The final sentence of your conclusion restates your view well, though adding a brief summary of your main points would make it feel more rounded and final. Otherwise, cohesion is strong and natural.

Lexical Resource: Band 8

Your vocabulary is precise and varied, showing a good command of academic and topic-specific language. Phrases like “culture of spending,” “consumer-focused,” and “personal growth and skill development” are excellent. There’s good use of collocations and abstract nouns to express complex ideas clearly. To hit Band 9, you could take a few more lexical risks with idiomatic or metaphorical language, where appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8

Your grammar is consistently accurate, with a wide range of structures used flexibly and appropriately. Complex sentences are handled with ease, and punctuation is well controlled. One sentence — “Choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out…” — is slightly awkward in structure; rephrasing it (e.g. “By choosing shopping over these pursuits, young people may miss out…”) would improve fluency. This is a minor issue, though, in an otherwise strong grammatical performance.

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All types of advertising should be banned because they are damaging to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advertising has become an inseparable part of modern life, appearing in virtually every form of media. Some people argue that all advertising should be prohibited because of its harmful impact on society. While there are valid concerns about the negative influence of certain advertisements, I believe that a total ban would be impractical and even detrimental.

On the one hand, critics of advertising point to several ways in which it can be damaging. Firstly, advertising often promotes unrealistic standards of beauty and success, which can lead to low self-esteem, especially among young people. For example, cosmetic companies frequently feature heavily edited images, creating unattainable ideals. Advertising also encourages overconsumption and materialism by constantly pushing people to buy things they may not need. This not only fuels personal debt but also contributes to environmental degradation through increased waste and resource exploitation. Equally concerning is the fact that some advertisements target vulnerable groups, such as children, with unhealthy food or misleading claims.

Banning all types of advertising, however, would have significant drawbacks. For one, advertising is a crucial source of revenue for media outlets, allowing them to offer free content to the public. Without it, newspapers, television, and online platforms might struggle to survive, limiting access to information and entertainment. Additionally, responsible advertising helps consumers make informed choices by bringing new products and services to their attention. For example, advertisements for new technologies or healthcare products can educate the public about these useful innovations.

In conclusion, although advertising can have undesirable effects, especially when it promotes harmful stereotypes or excessive consumerism, a complete ban would be counter-productive. Instead, I believe governments should regulate advertising more strictly to minimise its negative impact while preserving its benefits.

Teacher’s feedback:

This is a strong and well-balanced essay that would comfortably sit at Band 8.

Task Response: Band 8
You’ve done a great job answering the question and showing both sides of the argument. Your position is clear throughout – that banning all ads isn’t practical, but better rules are needed – and you’ve supported it with good examples. If you wanted to go a step further, you could briefly mention some types of advertising that are clearly helpful, like health campaigns, to show a bit more balance.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The structure of your essay works well. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and your ideas flow logically from one to the next. You’ve used linking words effectively, like “on the one hand” and “for example.” To make it even better, you could try adding a slightly smoother transition into the conclusion to tie everything together more naturally.

Lexical Resource: Band 8
Your vocabulary is strong and varied, and you’ve chosen your words carefully. Phrases like “overconsumption and materialism” and “unrealistic standards of beauty” show a good level of control. To push your score higher, try using some less common expressions or more advanced phrases now and then – just to show off your full range.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
You’re using a good mix of sentence types and more complex structures confidently. Everything reads clearly and accurately, which helps your ideas come across smoothly.

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