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IELTS Essays – Band 8

IELTS Writing – Band 8 IELTS Sample Essays

IELTS essay, topic: Obesity is becoming common among children, give reasons and solutions (from Target Band 7 book)

This essay was written on a topic from “Target Band 7” book (page 54, reprinted with permission).

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Write at least 250 words

For many years obesity was perceived as a condition occurring only in adult life. However, in recent years the number of children suffering from obesity has grown significantly. There are several causes and numerous solutions which can be used to tackle this worrying phenomenon, and this essay will present a couple of them.

While some reasons for childhood obesity are genetic, others include poor food choices exacerbated by easy availability of fast food, insufficient physical activity and a history of family members being overweight. Unlike the former, the latter factors can be changed, if the adults in the child’s life gain awareness and are willing to take action.

To begin with, health is a complex matter which requires a balanced approach. In other words, there isn’t a single solution to maintain health, on the contrary, it is rather a mixture of multiple factors, such as and regular physical activity. For this reason, increasing the awareness of healthy habits among children is a responsibility of utmost importance. What is more, it can be easily achieved through the education system.

On the other hand, children’s education might to stop the situation from worsening. Along with well designed health education schemes, we should also try to stop food companies from overusing sugar in products the young ones. It has been proven that more than 70% of the products available in an average supermarket contain dangerously high levels of white sugar. Sugar rich diet not only causes a significant weight gain, but also contributes to diseases, such as diabetes in young population.

To summarize, emphasis put on the awareness of healthy living among children is invaluable. Furthermore, combining healthy habits with stopping food companies from in products which are easily children can be effectively implemented by the governments. Positive outcomes of such measures taken today will definitely have a long lasting effect on the future generations.

This is a well developed response to the question. Relevant key points are included in the answer. Appropriate examples are also used to corroborate the writer’s point of view. Paragraphing is skillfully managed, information and ideas are logically sequenced. A wide range of vocabulary is used to allow certain flexibility and precision. Also, a variety of sentence structures is used. Accuracy of expression needs some attention (see corrections underlined in blue). Overall, the essay could achieve Band 8 in IELTS.

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‘a healthy diet’ is the right expression here
‘not be sufficient’ is the right way to say this
‘intended for’ is the right expression here
‘using too much sugar’ is the right expression here
‘available to’ is a better way to say this

IELTS essay, topic: Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program, agree/disagree (from Target Band 7 book)

This essay was written on a topic from “Target Band 7” book (page 54, reprinted with permission).

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Write at least 250 words

More and more young adults in our country are heavily indebted. Thus, it is considered by some that it should be mandatory to educate school children the administration of money. In my opinion, people should not leave school without a sound knowledge of financial management.

To begin with, a country’s development is strongly upon the purchasing capacity of its inhabitants. That is to say, people who are in debt or financially vulnerable, would not be able to spend freely or invest, for example, in a new house, thus hindering the economic growth of the country. As a consequence, the rate of inflation would rise and people would be able to afford even less, which could ultimately result in the collapse of the entire economy. A good example of this vicious circle can be seen in countries such as Argentina, where people have to buy household items in the black market, because they cannot afford to buy them in regular stores due to skyrocketing prices. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to teach children early money management.

Another point to consider is the low standard of living that people have when they mismanage their finances. Individuals who are constantly short of money could eventually end up being socially isolated and unhappy, because they couldn’t afford to participate in leisure activities, such as going to the cinema with a friend, resulting in their from social life. However, this could be avoided with ease by offering courses in money management.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that school children should be taught how to manage their finances to prevent social isolation later in their life as well as to maintain the economic force of their country.

The writer’s position is clear throughout the essay. Paragraphing is used effectively to organise ideas and information, however the paragraphs could have been balanced better in terms of the amount of content. The advanced vocabulary the writer uses creates a good impression of mature and fluent writer. Overall, the control of grammar and punctuation is fine, and the number of errors is small. The essay could achieve Band 8 in IELTS.

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‘about’ is the right preposition
‘dependent’ is the right word
‘about’ is the right preposition here
‘withdrawal’ is the right word here