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IELTS Letter, topic: Writing to a manager about problems at work

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realized there were some problems with the job.
Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter

– Explain why you took the job
– Describe the problems that you experienced
– Suggest that what could be done about them

Dear Manager,

I am writing to explain you some difficulties, which I am since last month, and I would like to inform you.

I am working a part time job with you in the evening and doing my in software programming in the morning and my financial problem, accomplish my skills in my field. there are many with the computer system here.

First of all, not fully equipped with hardware and secondly . Basically we are working for many famous companies to provide them software and also we assist them in case of any troubleshooting.

Consequently, if the company provides the latest machines with updated software to their workers, it will not be merely expedient for the company reputation and progress. It can also give an edge to the Programmer, Designer and Hardware/Network Engineer to learn and work well for the company clients in a better way. In this way, we can save our plethora of time and in fascinating work.

I am looking forward to your passing my suggestion to higher management and hopefully they will take some corrective and optimistic action as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

A.I.N

This letter is too long 200 words instead of the advised 150-165. It is too extensive, I suggest that you make it shorter by summarizing some of the sentences. There are some confusing expressions and some incomplete sentences, the grammar needs attention. See comments (underlined in blue) for details. Overall, looks like Band 6.5 letter.

Click here to see more IELTS letters of band 7

experiencing
Masters degree
not only to help with
but also to
However,
problems
It is (you are referring to the computer system)
rephrase: the software in it is not updated enough
return we can produce some

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