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IELTS essay, topic: should unpaid community work be mandatory in high school (agree/disagree)?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that voluntary services charity, cleaning the neighborhood, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, should be made mandatory in the high school curriculum. I strongly agree as it not only helps in students becoming socially responsible adults but also in shaping their character.

Firstly, community service inculcates a sense of responsibility towards the society, something that is needed to shape a good society. For instance, the introduction of Swatch Bharath scheme in my school, The Hyderabad Public School, ten years ago taught me not only to keep the surroundings of the school clean but also to never litter wherever I go. Hence, now I feel responsible to maintain cleanliness everywhere. Such services are needed to develop a better society in the future.

Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which in his mind; him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn to our personality development.

That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning .

In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citizen and also in their overall personality development. Therefore, pupils should be encouraged to involve themselves in such activities.

This is a well written essay. It addresses all parts of the task and the arguments and ideas are developed and supported. The information is presented in a logical order and the ideas are linked by appropriate connective words. The use of vocabulary conveys the exact meaning of the writer and there are only minor instances of a word being used somewhat unnaturally. Sentence formation demonstrates a high level of control and very few errors (mouse over the words underlined in blue shows suggested corrections). Overall this essay seems good enough for IELTS Band 8 level.

Click here to see more IELTS essays of Band 8

‘such as’ would be a better choice here
avoid using ‘etc’ in formal writing as it makes an impression of a lazy writer
‘with this view’ is more appropriate here
consider using a synonym such as ‘instill’ or ‘ingrain’ to sound less repetitive
a more appropriate word would be ‘implanted’
a better order is ‘ideas and deep thoughts’
this helped
subject-verb agreement requires ‘contribute’ here
This paragraph could be developed a bit better – one sentence isn’t enough to form a paragraph

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