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IELTS Essay, topic: the positive and the negative sides of globalization

Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

In the present age, globalization is playing an increasingly important role in our lives. But in the meantime whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some people argue that globalization has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives, while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well.

A convincing argument can be made about globalization not only playing a pivotal role in the development of technology and economy, but also promoting the cultural exchange between different countries. To start with, it is the globalization that impelled many to become international groups, thereby making a contribution to the local technology and employment. Specifically, when a multinational group a factory in a developing country, the new equipment, the new management skills and the job vacancies are all in the best interest of the local society. Moreover, people worldwide can get to know each other better through globalization. It is easy to see that more and more Hollywood blockbusters show cultures different from American, some recent examples are ‘Kungfu Panda’ and ‘The Mummy’.

Admittedly, the profit driven side of globalization has severely affected young people. Today, in the metropolises in different countries, it is very common to see teenagers wearing NIKE T-shirts and Adidas footwear, playing Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods and eating at KFC. The culture that took a thousand years to form just seems similar in these cities; it seems as though you can only distinguish them by their language. Meanwhile, in some developing countries, sweat workshops are always a concerning issue. For instance, reports show that some teenagers employed by NIKE’s contractors work in smelly factories over 14 hours a day, but are only paid fifty cents per hour.

To sum up, I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact, benefits created by it far outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, I am convinced that we should further promote globalization and meanwhile the local government should take measures to combat culture assimilation and sweat workshops.

This essay is extremely long (338 words instead of the advised 250-265). It has a sound structure, your position is clearly expressed, the information is well-organized, and structure-wise the sentences are fine. The vocabulary is impressive and there were only a few grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, this seems to be a band 7.5 + essay.

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IELTS Essay, topic: children and rules

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complex issue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. In for example, children are expected to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. This, however, is not the case with the Western countries of the world where children follow the motto ‘Thou shalt do what thou wilt’ as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages serious drawbacks as discussed below.

Firstly, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is virtually free from negative trends such as prostitution and drug abuse. Secondly, if children do not follow strict rules of behavior, they may get out of hand and become work-shy and indolent. This may then create a burden on the society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills.

However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn’t always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they’re told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of behaviors. Imposing strict rules may simply destroy the individuality of children.

At the end of the day, it is clear that children should be guided by rules, but these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.

This essay is too long (309 words instead of advised 250-265). Otherwise this work is a very good one; it covers the task, your position is clear, the ideas are well-organized, expressed, explained and supported. The sentences show a wide range of language structures, cohesive devices and your grammar is fine. Overall, this seems to be a band 7.5 or higher essay.

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