IELTS Essay, Topic: Avoiding traffic accidents

The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers and to lower age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?

With the rapid increase in the number of vehicles on the with hush and rush lifestyles of drivers today, traffic accidents seem to be escalating in our society. partly to number of traffic accidents but surely not as the main factor.

Those who agree with would view young drivers assuming under 18 years old and older drivers to be reckless and therefore would be more prone to traffic accidents on the road. Lack of experience, forgetfulness, carelessness and poor fitness condition may be reasons for limiting age of drivers.

On the other hand, I would think that age is only a small determinant and we need to look at more effective measure such as reducing number of vehicles on the road through car pool, implementing more stringent regulations on alcohol drink driving and possibly to revise on the standard of driving test for young and old drivers on the road. Many drivers who are stuck in traffic jams also have busy lifestyles and therefore tend to become very stressed or distracted on the road. Thus I would think the government may have to look ways to improve road infrastructure and traffic jams to deter or reduce accidents on the road.

To sum up, age is only one of the many contributors for accidents but I do not agree that age for the elderly and raising age limit for the younger drivers is the best method. As mentioned in my third paragraph, we need to look at other more effective measures which deal with the underlying problems in the society which lead to traffic accidents.

This essay needs some work. You should present two sides of the argument, for example “those in favor of X, say …” – ” those against Y point out that …” and leave your own opinion for the conclusion paragraph. Stating your opinion all over the essay is harming its structure. See comments (underlined in blue) for more suggestions for improvement. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

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roads combined
Before stating your opinion, present the two sides of the argument
It is unclear what statement you are referring to
lowering

IELTS Essay, Topic: Reasons for and against dieting

Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruins one’s health completely. What’s your opinion?

Dieting seems to be of our life in this modern society, especially for those who are health conscious. Different people choose different type of dieting methods, trying to achieve what they believe to be good for either their health or physical appearance. In general, most of the people who diet are focusing on controlling their weight.

In our urban society, most of the working class not have the opportunity to consume . Their daily meals consist of fast food which contains large amounts of fat and salt. The most significant of this unhealthy lifestyle is the weight gain especially among those middle age working professionals.

Therefore, most of these young and energetic people have to control their diet in order to stay in shape either for their appearance or health. The most common and proper method of maintaining one’s weight is eating less oily food, preferably more green vegetables, fruits and alcohol.

However, some have resorted to losing weight by taking their diet to the extreme, not eating at all for days. Others will make themselves vomit after each meal. Many others will go for dieting medication and beverages that help them to lose their appetite. These unhealthy will cause internal damage in the long run.

In my opinion, dieting for better health is more important than solely for looking attractive. Individuals who wish to control their weight should seek professional if they are unable to reduce their weight after switching over to a healthy diet for a period of time. Losing weight and losing your health at the same time does not benefit any individual.

This essay needs some work. The first body paragraph explains the reason people have for dieting, whereas it should explain what are the advantages or the dangers of it. The second body paragraph explains how to diet, whereas it should present arguments for or against dieting. Therefore, the task is only partially covered here.

On the bright side, the sentences are well-structured and the vocabulary is sufficient, the usage of linking words is fluent and the spelling and grammar are mostly fine (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, this looks like a Band 6 essay.

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a part
people/persons do
healthy meals
proof
avoiding
ways of dieting
advice
 

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