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IELTS Essay, topic: Financial education

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about the rising financial problems of young people has been getting more emphasis. some people are voting to integrate financial education as a .

The key problem for many young people is that they don’t know how to use and spend money in the right way. The “get what you want mentality” is widely advertised by the mass media and it looks like some people think that living is normal. Though financial problems in young life are very common with the result that . The main idea of teaching a financial subject must be to explain about a balanced budget and that debt could ruins one’s future.

this is just one side that has to be considered. For me, the main question is why the parents cannot give the right advice to their kids? To leave such a personal subject in the hands of government and school means to ignore a key task of any parent: to be a good role model.

Moreover it should be that the social effects of talking about money and finance in a socially diverse school class can be harmful for some students. In my opinion it is more important to teach parents about their responsibilities as a role model and have them educate the children about this private topic in a safe and private environment.

All in all I think the main task of public institutions should be to educate about common subjects and not to give such personal advice like the use of money.

This essay is not bad. It has the right structure – 5 paragraphs, and it covers the task. The paragraphs can be improved – make them similar in size, the 2nd paragraph is too long compared to the 3rd . The grammar and spelling need some attention and the linking words could be used more elegantly, see details in the comments underlined in blue. Overall, this looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

Click here to see more IELTS essays of band 6

Inappropriate choice of word or bad spelling?
mandatory subject at school
in debt
Confusing sentence, try re-writing it to make it easier to understand
“However” sounds much better than “but”
considered

IELTS Essay, topic: Women in power

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men, even though the workforce in many developed countries consists of 50 percent female workers. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of management positions to women. Discuss, what is your opinion?

The inequality between men and women has always been a significant issue in society. , it is undeniable that most vital positions in companies are taken by males, not females. Therefore, that companies should allocate to women a certain number of these positions. However, I do not agree with this requirement completely.

In some feudal countries, it was true to say that the society the males, and at that time instances of inequality occurred very frequently. Up until the present moment, it in some developing countries; also it is greatly . A large number of women in these countries are not allowed to go to work or even go to . In this case, this is not an individual issue, but social problem. The governments should have some solution to this tendency, and at the same time they should promulgate a new legislation to protect women’s .

On the other hand, the global economy is developing rapidly nowadays. In most corporations, distinguish men from women; they only focus on working efficiently. In this world, any employees who possess enough abilities and work in an effective way, be promoted to positions. Therefore, allocating the high level positions in companies to women is not necessary. Moreover, the instances of women in essential positions . Those women are very successful in their work and their lives.

In conclusion, although the inequality between men and women has reduced, it still is a social issue worth . Personally, in my opinion we should create as many opportunities for women to have an equal life as we can.

This essay needs some work. It has a good structure, the paragraphs are coherent, you are using enough linking words and the task is covered. On the other hand, the grammar needs much attention, the structure of the sentences should be worked on and there were some unclear expressions used. See comments underlined in blue for more details. Overall, this looks like a Band 6 essay.

Click here to see more IELTS essays of band 6

our
Besides
It can be argued
favoured
still happens
confusing expression
public places
a
handle
rights
the management does not
can
higher
are countless
a thought
 

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