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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about the rising financial problems of young people has got more into focus. Tough some people are voting to integrate financial education as a schooling subject.

The key problem for many young ones is that they don’t know how to use and spend money in the right way. The “get what you want mentality” is advertised all over in the public media and it looks like some people think that living with interest fees is normal. Though financial problems in young life are very common with the result that it is difficult to learn how to spend money appropriated. The main idea of teaching a financial subject must be to explain about a balanced budget and that interest fees could ruins one future.

But this is just one side that has to be considered. For me, the main question is why dose parents cannot give the right advice to their kids? To give such a personal subject in the hands of government and school is a lack of the key tasks that parents have: to be a good role model.

Moreover it should be considerate that the social effects of talking about money and finance in a social diverted school class can be harmful for some students. In my opinion it is more important to teach parents about their responsibilities as a role model and educate private topic in a safe and private environment.

All in all I think the main task of public institutions should be to educate about common subjects and not to give such personal advice like the use of money.

This essay is not bad. It has the right structure - 5 paragraphs and covers the task. The paragraphs can be improved - make them similar in size, 2nd paragraph is too long compared to the 3rd . The grammar and spelling need some attention and the linking words could be used more elegantly, the details are in the comments underlined in blue. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

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Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

The inequality between men and women is always a significant issue in their society. Besides that, it is undeniable that most vital positions in companies are taken by male not female. Therefore, there exist a statement that companies should allocate to women a certain number of these positions. However, I do not totally agree with this requirement.

In some feudal countries, it was true to say that the society favour the male, and at that time the inequality occurred extremely. Up to the present moment, it stills to happen in some developing countries; also it is greatly involved to women’s right. A huge number of women in these countries are not allowed to go to work or even go to public place. In this case, this is not an individual issue, but it is a social problem. The governments should have some solution to react with this tendency, and at the same time they should promulgate a new legislation to protect women’s right.

On the other hand, the global economy is developed rapidly nowadays. In most corporations, they do not distinguish men or women; they only focus on working efficient. In this world, any employees who own enough abilities and work in an effective way, that person will be promoted to a high position. Therefore, allocating for women the high level positions in companies is not necessary. Moreover, the evidence of women takes place in an essential position cannot count by fingers. Those women are very successful in their work and their lives.

In conclusion, although the inequality between men and women is improved, it still is a social issue worth to concern. Personally, in my opinion we should create many opportunities for women to have an equal life as we can.

This essay needs some work. It has a good structure, the paragraphs are coherent, the usage of linking words is sufficient and the task is covered. On the other hand, the grammar needs much attention, the structure of the sentences should be worked on and there were some unclear expressions used. See comments underlined in blue for more details. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.

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